Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
