Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
pop tarts are not kleenex
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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