I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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