you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
