4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
