My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can you bring me the toilet please
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
