oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
