This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
