so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
