She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Randomize