Whod you bang
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
