I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i barfeds in our rink
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
