3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
