remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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