I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Four minutes until I can fart!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
