I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
