i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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