getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
