you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
