Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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