corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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