I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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