I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
