I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize