I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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