Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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