I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Randomize
