I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
