Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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