Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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