mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
