I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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