I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dicks are not precious.
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