You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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