we made out on top of his cat.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
