hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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