I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
