I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
