Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
