She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
