I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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