Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
someone owes me an orgasm
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize