Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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