Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
