WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
