Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
