I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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