Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
