I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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