After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
