All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
