according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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