ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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