I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
