i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
