Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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