No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize