this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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