He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
