So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
