You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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