This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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