she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
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