I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
