Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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