sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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