Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
