So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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